Constraint=Freedom

At first glance, this statement seems like an oxymoron. But honestly, it has been one of the things that has helped me navigate my sober curious journey.

I view constraint not as a restriction but as an intention.

Think about it this way. When driving down the highway at night, your headlights light the road a few yards in front of you.

The “noise” of the trees and rest stops along the highway isn’t clearly visible because your headlights only shine in one direction-straight ahead.

Your car’s headlights limit your journey’s distractions and allow you to focus on your final destination.

I view my sober curious life like the headlights on the highway. I am no longer distracted by the culture of drinking or my unrealistic parameters I used to set for myself around drinking.

My final destination is a one-lane highway to a full, present, and confident life.

My drinking rules used to look like this:

*I only drink Thursday-Sunday or

*I only have two drinks or

*I only drink vodka because it’s got less sugar

This last one always gets me. Was I really more worried about the carbs than the toxicity of the alcohol I was putting into my body?

When all these rules failed to curb my overdrinking and anxiety that inevitably followed, I decided to eliminate alcohol altogether. This constraint was my way to freedom.

I didn’t hit rock bottom. I didn’t get a DWI. I didn’t go to rehab or feel the need to label myself an alcoholic.

I just knew that alcohol was not serving me anymore. It was not aligned with the life I wanted to create for myself, my marriage, and my children.

Now I feel like I have a fast pass, like at Disneyland, to the front seat of my amazing life.

The metaphor of the headlights on the highway has served me in many areas of my life, not just drinking. Consider the following areas where applying the concept of Constraint = Freedom might benefit your life.

1. Weight loss: Weight loss is hard. But so is being unhappy with your health. Choose your hard. Be aware of any actions that provide a quick dopamine hit. That cupcake or piece of pizza will taste like heaven in the moment but can lead to a crash of emotions that can spin into other unhealthy behaviors. Practice constraint and reach your health goals!
2. Social media consumption: We all know the research here. Put your mental health above what’s happening on the pages of “the gram.“ We know there is always more to the story than what we see on someone’s story or page. Set a timer if you must. Practice constraint, make your own memories, and live into life that is real!
3. Exercise: Put your shoes on and go for a walk. Get the sunshine your body craves. Practice constraint and move your body at least once a day. Nike had it right-- “Just do it!”